Ru Paul’s Drag Race UK

I don’t think I have ever felt so nervous about the return of a TV programme in a long time. The stinker that was season three of Ru Paul’s Drag Race Down Under left me fearing the franchise was beginning to die and that the talent had ran dry.

Thankfully it was totally unfounded. Series five of Drag Race UK feels like it could join the upper echelons along with that unicorn of a series 2. But what has made it work?

Firstly, and most obviously, the line up is strong. Right now there are six left and there are still three real contenders plus a couple of dark horses, and even the current weakest on recent form isn’t out of the running. There is definitely strength in depth here. You have natural comedic talent, highly skilled performers and some genuinely stunning looks, and most queens can at least tick two of the above three boxes.

The confessionals have also been gold along with the repartee between the queens. In both categories, Ginger Johnson (current frontrunner) and Kate Butch (one of the dark horses) are stealing moments. Highlights for the former include her deadpan reaction to Cara Melle’s shock at being in the bottom two after one challenge (Cara: I thought I did fine. Ginger: Ru didn’t think so. Cara: Well I didn’t do that bad. Ginger: Yes you did *evil chuckle begins*). For Kate, you are spoilt for choice between her back and forth with the producers, her creation of Linda the non-shitting horse and her response to Cara Melle (yes her again) trying to read her by saying she looks like Robin Williams. Kate: Cara also has something in common with Robin Williams, in that neither of them are telling jokes right now.

Meanwhile, Michael Marouli is stealing the looks game, always going to the next level. But they also have the aforementioned comedy and performance chops, and seem to be very likeable. We haven’t seen a lip sync, but if they can do it, well, they are the full package.

Any complaints? Well, it seems obvious despite my love of her that Kate Butch will not be allowed to win. Already the all too obvious narrative of ‘she isn’t growing’ has started and even her praise is being heavily mitigated. It is a clear machination to make her exit in the next few episodes obvious. Hopefully I am wrong as she is my favourite and pure joy. And on the plus side, leaves room for an All-Stars or Vs the World return.

But yes, this is truly wonderful as a series. My enthusiasm has returned and I await every episode with baited breath. Let’s hope it can keep up this form.

Eurovision: Europe Shine a Light

I have to admit to being very lucky during this pandemic. I still have my job, nobody close to me has contracted the virus and my routine has adapted well to the changes. Yes, I am missing seeing people (I’m even missing the smell of the gym) but I would say that overall I’ve been fortunate.

It says a lot about how I have been impacted by this crisis is that the cruelest blow was the cancelling of Eurovision. This is an occasion I rate in importance with my birthday and Christmas, so hearing that it had been taken from us all was a hard loss.

To their credit, the EBU sprang into action with alternative programming, the pinnacle of which was Eurovision: Europe Shine a Light. It consisted of the presenters in an empty studio playing snippets of this year’s entries and talking to stars of the past. Graham Norton was also offering commentary, but there was no crowd and no winner.

In many respects, the most disappointing aspect was just how little time was spent of this year’s songs. Just 30 seconds was played on each, which when you consider the crafting that went into each of them feels a little tight. I don’t think we needed the heartfelt message at the end of each clip, although credit to Iceland for going their own way with that as well as the song.

The satellite links were a little clunky as well, but that can be forgiven. They actually worked better than they do in the grand final. Again, though, they dragged on. Honouring 2020 songs seemed to be a lot lower down the agenda than it should have been.

At least Graham’s commentary was as robust as ever. Particular highlights were his review of Serbia’s entry (‘Serbia’s answer to the Pussycat Dolls, if the question is “who isn’t quite as good as the Pussycat Dolls?”‘) and his response to being asked where he was when the UK last won Eurovision in 1997 (“probably face down in a bar somewhere”).

So what would I have done? Well, I’m glad you asked. Ran the contest still, but allowed acts to send an official video or live performance. Still had the semis and the final, but the winner, rather than hosting next year, gets first dibs on hosting a special Eurovision concert. The songs get a proper airing, we all stop speculating on who would have won and the winner gets something.

If the EBU want to call me any time, I’m available.

Matthew eats… The Eurovision Song Contest 2019

It is that time again where I air my thoughts on the results of Eurovision Song Contest. It was a year of contrasting musical styles, with the traditional ballads, dancefloor bangers and ethno-pop meeting pop opera and BDSM techno-punk. Oh, and Madonna turned up.

In fact, let’s start with her. You would think after being in the industry for nearly 40 years she would know how to make chat with TV hosts, but no. Her stilted conversation with the poor presenter was the most awkward moment of the night. Until that is we got to her actual performance. Barely a note was in tune and was actually mind-numbingly dull. A waste of 10 minutes that could have been given to hurrying the vote along so we could have gone to bed before midnight.

Honestly, most of the half-time entertainment was sub-par. Thank god for Verka, who should be a feature every year. At least give him a five-minute cabaret slot at some point.

The songs themselves were all very middle of the road in terms of quality. Bar a weirdly cold Slovenia and an overly saccharine Germany (and the bizarre world of San Marino) there were very few clangers, but also very little genuine quality. Norway was a personal favourite of mine, for actually bringing a bit of a tune and some energy. Azerbaijan was another high point and I have to reluctantly give some credit to Russia.

The biggest talking point was, of course, Iceland. The song itself was deliciously OTT, as was the staging. How they got away with something bordering on BDSM porn is beyond me (we were one ball gag away from an 18 rating), but I’m glad they did. Quite what Europe’s take on their Palestine protest during the voting will be is another matter. It’s interesting Madonna got away with her political statement with the crowd but not them.

The Netherlands were victors. It wasn’t a surprise though. Although not a personal favourite of mine, it obviously had a quality to it that would chime with juries and public alike. It is yet more proof that sincerity, regardless of genre of song, is the biggest vote winner. If you can sell the story of your song to the audience, you are going to be in the running to win.

Which brings me to the UK. Whilst the song was poor and the staging no better, last felt harsh when you consider some of the other songs out there. But it did lack anything to make it sound special. It takes more than a good voice. There will always be a debate as to if internal selection or public is the way forward, but there needs to be quality to begin with.

Still, there’s always next year. Amsterdam here we come!

Matthew eats… Eurovision Song Contest 2018

We have come to that time of year again where I offer my thoughts on the Eurovision Song Contest. This year felt like a bit of an odd one. A lot of slow ballads and weak mid-tempo songs in the first half, lifted only by the cheesy Norway and distinctly odd Ukraine, with a second half filled with party bangers and eccentricities.

It was the slow start for the show that made me struggle more to enjoy it this year than normal, blandness topped with mediocrity being the theme. Of course, interest was piqued with the stage invasion during the UK’s song. One of these seems to happen a year now – if it’s not an onstage protest we get a member of the crowd mooning. Security is clearly a bit lax at this event.

The voting system also highlighted massive disparities in terms of what the critics want and what the public loves. The juries rewarded tight pop efforts from Austria and Sweden and dismissed the theatrics of Ukraine and the earnest folksy Denmark, both of which got more love from the viewers. The former I could understand, as it proved to be one of the high points of staging. The latter less so. It takes more than a beard for me to buy into some Viking backstory.

But did the right song win? Well, in my opinion, yes. TOY – the Israeli entrant – was one of the other masterclasses in staging, although one that was driven by the performer rather than the props. Netta worked the arena and the audience at home, no mean feat considering the stakes. The song also managed the feat of being up tempo but still with a message, in this case female empowerment. There have been grumblings of cultural appropriation with her geisha styling, but if we are to celebrate coming together as one, shouldn’t we be prepared to incorporate such things without fear of criticism? Or is that not woke enough?

I also enjoyed Moldova, despite Graham Norton’s criticisms of it. If you are going to bring the novelty, do it with conviction. It was also one of the few performances to really throw everything into the pot – props, choreography, a storyline – what more could you want? Likewise, Finland was too harshly judged by jury and viewer alike.

And finally, what about us? Well, I found the song to be beige in musical form. The staging was little better. The invasion probably saved us from being forgotten and SuRie’s admirable fortitude picked us a few sympathy votes that saved us from last place. But we wouldn’t need that if the song was stronger to begin with.

Which brings us to how we go about doing better next year. Two things for me. Firstly, the song writing by committee has to stop. Some of the best songs over the last few years have only written by one or two people, preferably the artist themselves or someone close to them. Second, there needs to be more of an investment from the record industry as a whole – genuine up-and-coming acts need to be scouted. An undiscovered talent who writes their own material seems to be the perfect act for Eurovision. But, until next year, that is that.

Matthew eats… The Eurovision Song Contest 2017

And so to my yearly review of The Eurovision Song Contest. I did not have high hopes for this year’s contest – stories of backstage chaos, tensions between the hosts Ukraine and Russia and an overall opinion on the fan forums of the quality of the songs being lower left me concerned that I was facing a very dull and badly organised three hours.

Thankfully, events transpired rather better than that. I don’t profess to be an expert on musical quality, but I found enough of the songs enjoyable to compensate from any that were lacklustre, and there seemed to be return to the creative eccentricities the contest is known for.

Amongst my favourites this year were the joyful Moldova, the cool and contemporary Norway and the slightly oddball but magnificently done Azerbaijan and Croatia. Quite how a man wearing a horse’s head sitting on top of a ladder was designed to add anything to the song is beyond me, but it worked, as did the solo duet. I even warmed to Sweden’s entry, which had been written off as cold and cynical by many fans.

But what of the winner? Well, I personally didn’t fall for the charms of Salvador from Portugal. The song seemed reminiscent of a particularly downbeat Disney song from the 1950’s and the singer’s tics were not sweet gestures that people seemed to be worshipping. Yet clearly enough people fell for the simplicity and subtlety of the moody staging and the quirks of the performer, as it won in a landslide, topping both sets of votes by some distance. Expect next year to feature a glut of foreign language retro love songs on minimal staging.

Speaking of next year, where do the UK go from here? We sent a strong package: a decent song, excellently sung and well staged, and still only managed 15^th (although we did get a top 10 finish from the jury). To be fair, the song always did seem more jury bait than something that would win over a public vote, but even so, it felt harsh to only receive 12 points from the televote.

The solution to this problem is perhaps to keep up and build on the efforts of this year by throwing our weight behind the song but adapt where we went wrong. Find an artist that writes their own stuff and knows how to sell the narrative, keep the staging subtle but effective and make sure there is a story to tell the viewers. I don’t think it is a coincidence that the winners for the past two years have written very personal songs. Perhaps rather than hiring the best songwriter and pairing them up with the best singer, we get the performer who can do both.