TV relies on formulas that work. The X Factor  must have a novelty act, preferably one that does not realise that they are one. Soaps must have strong matriarchal figures who emotionally tower over the cast. And The Apprentice must have a gaggle of loud, arrogant and ignorant entrepreneurs willing to proclaim their how they are a gift to the business world. It doesn’t matter that sound business decisions go out the window every week; they know that there good. Their mams’ tell them so before tucking them in at night.

The opening introductions are both cringe-inducing and brilliant. This year we have had comparisons to Napoleon, the Duracell bunny, and a machete. Watching them pour out of the candidates mouths is like witnessing the biggest round of one-upmanship ever created. I am just waiting for the year when it descends into sheer farce: ‘you know Steve Jobs? I told him what a good idea iPod’s where. And I was only 7. I was that good I did it telepathically.’ ‘Yeah, well you know that thing you where you move your legs and arms called dancing? I invented that’. ‘You see that big orange ball in the sky that makes everything warm? That was me that was. I am the cause of all life on this planet!”.

Of course the only person allowed to have a God complex on this show is Lord Sugar. As he is so keen to remind us, its his money. If he wants to fire someone for not selling enough ‘lucky cats’ he can do, although I secretly hope in week 1 he fires someone who then creates the next big product. Even then he wouldn’t admit he was wrong: ‘That was my doing that was, me firing them gave them the focus’. Everyone around him will then mumble agreement, because you don’t annoy someone who is in the House of Lords and owns more businesses than Nick Hewer has facial expressions.

Thankfully, amidst all the shouting, there still some moments of pure joy. There are still some nice people left willing to take part in this parade of peacocks. Of course, the nicest of the nice, Tim, departed after being, well, too nice. Stupid idea listening to people. Only gets you into trouble. But there’s still Jordan, who has the air of the gentleman geek with the sharp business mind, akin to previous winner Tom Pellerau. And once all the mouthy types have gone Leah and Francesca should both really shine as solid, dependable candidates.

But my favourite has to be Jason. Everyone seems to be obsessed with him having a PhD, as if getting an education is somehow a business sin, whilst forgetting he has his own property business. Personally, I like people who know their Zeus’s from their Medusa’s. An obsession with classical education never held us back 150 years ago. Besides, he has wonderful knack that posh people have of being rude without realising; as Jordan went to sit in a chair to test it for size Jason heckled ‘Not you Jordan, a normal size person!’, whilst batting him away like a Latin master who is having to cover games and wants someone to demonstrate the triple jump.

He won’t win of course. He is already seen as easy pickings by half his team. It will be someone like Neil, who can sell and makes sure everyone knows it. Or Myles, who has developed the knack of latching on to stronger rivals so he can avoid the boardroom until he can build up momentum of his own. Or worse yet, Luisa, who seems a prime candidate for the Damascus conversion, going from being a gob on a stick to a humble, sincere businesswoman. Still, it’s Lord Sugar who is spending the money, not us.

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